Give me the Job...by Semtex.

First of all, I would like to thank my colleagues for their confidence in me. If only I could have the chance !


Night Time Compliance Team ?
They sound like something from the new Harry Potter film !
I think TFL COMPLIANCE TEAM sounds much more professional, and indicates that this is a round the clock remit.


John Mason apparently quotes :
John Mason, Director of London Taxi and Private Hire, said:
 “Introducing a permanent dedicated night team in May 2011 has proven very successful" Unquote.


Very Successful John ?
John, come on mate, stop telling fibs ! Very successful in what way ? Enlighten me, please.


I salute Helen Chapman for at least attempting to have a go, and surely this action must be going in the right direction.
However, there is an awful lot of work to do, and I am not sure if this night time unit actually know what they are doing.


Helen apparently states that these teams are out there every night. In that case, and if they are an effective enforcement compliance team.....what is their success paperwork looking like ?


How many touts have appeared in a Magistrates Court sine May 2011, and what are the punishment statistics looking like ?


Helen apparently says :
Helen Chapman, Deputy Director of London Taxi and Private Hire, said: “I have recently assumed temporary responsibility for the compliance team and am delighted to have secured further resources to bolster this team. They do an excellent job and are out there every night to check that licensees, particularly operators within venues, are playing by the rules, working with other agencies to tackle touting and ensuring that drivers and vehicles are safe to carry passengers".


Helen, I have much respect for you. I find you charming, genuine, caring and responsible......BUT.....if you think your team are out there doing an "an excellent job", then your views of compliance competency are disgracefully short of professional standards.


Helen, they are NOT doing an excellent job at all Madam.
Doing a job...yes, getting a salary...yes, briefed to carry out the role....yes, But doing an excellent job is a ridiculous statement to make from someone as senior as yourself, to a trade that has to confront your teams incompetency night after night. We see it and have to deal with it every single night.


Whatever your officers do, wherever they are and whenever they are active, please trust me Helen, that this team are punching way below their required weight.


I will lay down another challenge;
Give me two hand picked Police Officers with full powers of arrest, no car, no van, no radios, and no wages and two weeks............. and those two officers and myself will arrest and scare off more touts in two weeks, than your whole team has done since May 2011.
Give me a shot Helen. This will be your chance to show TFL, The London Cab Trade and private hire, what a muppet and big mouth I am.


How can three officers possibly make more progress in a fortnight, than your whole team have made in nearly ten months ?
It's inconcievable. It's ludicrous. It's impossible. Isn't it ?


The reasons for my cocky, arrogant so sure attitude is quite simple.
Your compliance team are useless.


In any other professional enforcement covert unit, they would be disbanded and sacked. They are in the wrong locations, observing the wrong targets, chasing the wrong subjects, and issuing the wrong threats. Where are they trained for God sake, St Dunstans ?


Enforcement teams 

• They HAVE to have teeth Helen.
• They HAVE to scare people.
• They HAVE to be seen to be hard.
• They HAVE to make examples.
• They HAVE to make substantial headway and hit the desired arrest targets.

If the touts are not scared of you Helen, you are simply wasting time, financial resources and reputation.
Give me a crack at it. Two officers and me against London.


Just make sure you have a suitable venue to hold the arrested, a yard big enough for their vehicles, and a decent Magistrates Bench who dont mind dealing with thousands of offenders pouring through the judicial system.
The revenue from the incoming scrap sales, fines paid before they are released, and the network of illegal immigrants, terrorists, and undesirables caught as a direct result of my compliance, will more than pay the way for a PROPER dedicated team to continue into the future.


Wether you take me up on my offer or not Helen, you simply have to do more than you are doing. Illegal activities in London by mini cab touts is at a level that I have never witnessed before.


Despite your claims and optimism, there is absolutely no compliance, no respect and no stopping them. Your team talk good statistics, but it's no joke out there at night. A total free for all.


This is your time to shine Helen Chapman.
I can tell you from my experience in this field that reputations are made or broken in this specialist area.
If you continue having faith and throwing resources into your current squad as you seem intent on, you will top up as your predecessor has.
You are young, articulate and intelligent. Get a proper enforcement team out there Helen, the current officers are woefully incapable. It is of course a difficult remit, but not an impossible one.


Touts are like terrorists and respond only to fear. When they are scared, they will go.


They ain't going anywhere at the moment Helen, have a look yourself.
Time to start the scary stuff I reckon. Before it's too late for all of us. Me and you included.


8829 Semtex